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Morbid humor

#1

JDgreen

JDgreen

When I retired back in late 2002, I began keeping a list on my Blackberry memo pad as a reminder when someone I formerly knew during my career passed away. This morning I entered the 30th name, which really bothered me, it shouldn't, because I knew about 2,500 people when I was working.

Well, I was telling my good friend about an hour ago that it really bothered me when I saw someone's name, one that I recognized, in the obituaries column in the newpaper, know what he told me?

QUOTE: "As long as I don't see my name there, it doesn't bother me at all....."

What makes it so funny is that he probably never will......:laughing: :laughing: :thumbsup:


#2

O

Oddball

I have a dark sense of humor. I always have, so that strikes me as funny as well. I've had people tell me I was being insensitive more than once because of my humor, but I figure if you can find the humor during the bad times, you'll be a happier person.


#3

D

Duffer72

When I was young and went to weddings old ladies used to bump me and say "your next" now when I go to a funeral and see them I say the same thing to them!!

Good thing about old age is it won't last long


#4

JDgreen

JDgreen

Duffer72 said:
When I was young and went to weddings old ladies used to bump me and say "your next" now when I go to a funeral and see them I say the same thing to them!!

Good thing about old age is it won't last long
Click to expand...

And to think some of the folks here think I am nasty....:laughing:

Want to define "old age" for us?


#5

O

Oddball

Duffer72 said:
When I was young and went to weddings old ladies used to bump me and say "your next" now when I go to a funeral and see them I say the same thing to them!!

Good thing about old age is it won't last long
Click to expand...

Oh, now that's just mean. Funny, but mean. I could never do it, but I'd like to witness that just once.


#6

jmurray01

jmurray01

Duffer72 said:
When I was young and went to weddings old ladies used to bump me and say "your next" now when I go to a funeral and see them I say the same thing to them!!

Good thing about old age is it won't last long
Click to expand...
How cruel of you! :eek:

Had me in stitches though... :laughing:


#7

jmurray01

jmurray01

JDgreen said:
And to think some of the folks here think I am nasty....:laughing:

Want to define "old age" for us?
Click to expand...
I'd say 50+ would suffice :laughing:


#8

gtbobcat

gtbobcat

jmurray01 said:
How cruel of you! :eek:

Had me in stitches though... :laughing:
Click to expand...

Me too...lol.......old age might be a b--ch but it beats the alternative


#9

Jetblast

Jetblast

JDgreen said:
Want to define "old age" for us?
Click to expand...

Twenty years older than I am at any given time is old age. Ten years older than I am at any given time is "getting up there". I think that's how a lot of us look at it.


#10

JDgreen

JDgreen

jmurray01 said:
I'd say 50+ would suffice :laughing:
Click to expand...

FIFTY PLUS IS OLD....boy just wait until you turn 50, you will be telling everybody you just started middle age....FIFTY IS NOT OLD, it's PRE-ELDERLY.

I turned 60 a month ago, can still get up at 5 am and do a full day's work of hard, manual labor, and get up the next day at 5 am and repeat that work. Heck, I don't feel any older than 40 most of the time.


#11

jmurray01

jmurray01

JDgreen said:
FIFTY PLUS IS OLD....boy just wait until you turn 50, you will be telling everybody you just started middle age....FIFTY IS NOT OLD, it's PRE-ELDERLY.

I turned 60 a month ago, can still get up at 5 am and do a full day's work of hard, manual labor, and get up the next day at 5 am and repeat that work. Heck, I don't feel any older than 40 most of the time.
Click to expand...
Seriously though, I am a strong believer that you are only as old as you feel.

I don't think there is an actual age that means you are "old". You are old when you feel old, no sooner, no later.


#12

JDgreen

JDgreen

jmurray01 said:
Seriously though, I am a strong believer that you are only as old as you feel.

I don't think there is an actual age that means you are "old". You are old when you feel old, no sooner, no later.
Click to expand...

I like to think that being active and moving around, getting your heart rate up, while burning off calories, is a good way to live. However, by being active, you are alsoputting more stress on your joints, etc. My neighbor is a year older, he just had his second hop replacement....I also know several people that have had knee replacements and they were very sedentary before they retired. Me, I always put a lot of stress on my body when I worked, I hope it doesn't all catch up with me at once...:laughing:


#13

jmurray01

jmurray01

JDgreen said:
I like to think that being active and moving around, getting your heart rate up, while burning off calories, is a good way to live. However, by being active, you are alsoputting more stress on your joints, etc. My neighbor is a year older, he just had his second hop replacement....I also know several people that have had knee replacements and they were very sedentary before they retired. Me, I always put a lot of stress on my body when I worked, I hope it doesn't all catch up with me at once...:laughing:
Click to expand...
It is catch twenty-two I'm afraid.

If you sit around doing nothing, your joints will be fine, but you will put on weight and your heart will weaken.

If you exercise you will have a strong heart, but you will wear out your joints quicker.

Personally, I would have to keep active, I couldn't just sit around, even it it meant I would be putting strain on my body.

Eating well is also another part of it. Eating lots of "Pierce & Ping" meals (microwave meals) may be easy, but they aren't healthy.

A good home made soup or stew with plenty hearty meat and vegetables is the only way to go for me!


#14

D

Duffer72

Keeping busy physically and mentally is what keeps you going, I have a moderate case of Multiple Sclerosis and went thru 3 months of Chemo and radiation 2 yrs ago and can do more than my neighbor can (or wants to not sure which) all of my dr's agree that part of the reason I'm doing as well as I am is do to my attitude and not just giving up. I'm still working on mowers, I do find it a little harder to get back up from the floor, and still playing golf 1-2 times a week, I know others who do not have half the problems I do from MS and they have basically quit living and just sit in front of the TV all day and can't figure out why they feel so lousy and say they can't do what they used to, at 57 I can't do some things I used, if you don't believe me ask my wife LOL, I'd love to be able to do what I could at 20 yrs old.


#15

jmurray01

jmurray01

Duffer72 said:
Keeping busy physically and mentally is what keeps you going, I have a moderate case of Multiple Sclerosis and went thru 3 months of Chemo and radiation 2 yrs ago and can do more than my neighbor can (or wants to not sure which) all of my dr's agree that part of the reason I'm doing as well as I am is do to my attitude and not just giving up. I'm still working on mowers, I do find it a little harder to get back up from the floor, and still playing golf 1-2 times a week, I know others who do not have half the problems I do from MS and they have basically quit living and just sit in front of the TV all day and can't figure out why they feel so lousy and say they can't do what they used to, at 57 I can't do some things I used, if you don't believe me ask my wife LOL, I'd love to be able to do what I could at 20 yrs old.
Click to expand...
I wish there were more people like you in this world!

I take my hat off to you.


#16

Jetblast

Jetblast

jmurray01 said:
Eating lots of "Pierce & Ping" meals (microwave meals)...
Click to expand...

I've got to start writing this stuff down.


#17

jmurray01

jmurray01

Jetblast said:
I've got to start writing this stuff down.
Click to expand...
:laughing: I'll expect a full essay on healthy living on my desk by 9:00AM tomorrow morning!


#18

D

Duffer72

No healthy food here, if it has no taste and looks bad it is most likely healthy, fish and chips and a pint of bitter, Yes I know all about those, was stationed in UK for 4 years in the UASF, actually brought a brit wife back with me. Father inlaw always said there are 3 overs regarding yanks, over paid, over sexed and over here.


#19

jmurray01

jmurray01

Duffer72 said:
No healthy food here, if it has no taste and looks bad it is most likely healthy, fish and chips and a pint of bitter, Yes I know all about those, was stationed in UK for 4 years in the UASF, actually brought a brit wife back with me. Father inlaw always said there are 3 overs regarding yanks, over paid, over sexed and over here.
Click to expand...
Healthy food can be tasty food if eaten in moderation!

Good God, I sound like somebody from a slimming class... :eek:


#20

JDgreen

JDgreen

jmurray01 said:
:laughing: I'll expect a full essay on healthy living on my desk by 9:00AM tomorrow morning!
Click to expand...

Healthy living....??? I thought the Scottish lived on Porridge, haggis, and pig tripe....


#21

jmurray01

jmurray01

JDgreen said:
Healthy living....??? I thought the Scottish lived on Porridge, haggis, and pig tripe....
Click to expand...
Nope, we live on Porridge, Haggis, Pig Tripe and lettuce! :laughing:


#22

D

Duffer72

Dr sent me to a nutritionist, by the time she told me what I couldn't eat there wasn't much left, then gave me a list of vitamins and supplements to take, now I understand, by the time I took all of those pills I wouldn't have any room left for any food!! Here is how I feel about it all

Tony and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because Tony watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on yet another holiday and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
Tony asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
Tony looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth..
'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled Tony..
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to Tony. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
Tony looked around and glanced nervously at Yvonne.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
'No gym to work out at?' said Tony
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

Tony glared at Yvonne and said, 'You and your f***ing Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'


#23

jmurray01

jmurray01

Duffer72 said:
Dr sent me to a nutritionist, by the time she told me what I couldn't eat there wasn't much left, then gave me a list of vitamins and supplements to take, now I understand, by the time I took all of those pills I wouldn't have any room left for any food!! Here is how I feel about it all

Tony and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because Tony watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on yet another holiday and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
Tony asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
Tony looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth..
'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled Tony..
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to Tony. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
Tony looked around and glanced nervously at Yvonne.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
'No gym to work out at?' said Tony
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

Tony glared at Yvonne and said, 'You and your f***ing Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'
Click to expand...
:laughing: Very good!


#24

rmancini

rmancini

jmurray01 said:
Healthy food can be tasty food if eaten in moderation!

Good God, I sound like somebody from a slimming class... :eek:
Click to expand...

I'm getting to the age when if food tastes good - I need to spit it out!
Rich


#25

JDgreen

JDgreen

Duffer72 said:
Dr sent me to a nutritionist, by the time she told me what I couldn't eat there wasn't much left, then gave me a list of vitamins and supplements to take, now I understand, by the time I took all of those pills I wouldn't have any room left for any food!! Here is how I feel about it all

Tony and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because Tony watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on yet another holiday and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
Tony asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
Tony looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth..
'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled Tony..
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to Tony. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
Tony looked around and glanced nervously at Yvonne.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
'No gym to work out at?' said Tony
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

Tony glared at Yvonne and said, 'You and your f***ing Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'
Click to expand...

They should have tried to (bleep) themselves to death and got there 20 years ago....

This is another real oldie I heard a long time ago


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