Family cabin woes. Just a rant, and need some input.

Bean438

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Hello all. Having some issues involving the in-laws “family” cabin.

In addition to the amount of work a cabin requires, this one needs more. It’s off grid, boat access only. Supplies need to be dragged down a hill and boated across.

Any kind of work and maintenance is easily doubled due to this.

I have done lots of work and repair because the father in law is70 and has a hard time keeping up. Besides I can’t sit on my *** and watch a 70 year old man work. It just ain’t right.

One of my issues is that my interpretation of a familly cabin is everyone gets their week or so, and then it’s someone else’s turn. Of course there’s usually an open week, and of course “work” weekends, as required.

This cabin is like a drop in where the grandkids come and go at will (empty handed), and it seems they are always busy for the “work” weekends.

Then There’s my brother in law “Jeff”. Jeff......

...Is 40 years old and lives in his parents basement
...is at the cabin without fail every weekend from May until October
...never brings any food or supplies (he is broke and has no money), BUT,
...he always has beer, pot, cigars, cigarettes, and he bought a drone, and
...has a new pickup truck with tinted windows, lift kit (point mad I think)
...never helps prepare meals, wash dishes
...never doesn’t any work at the cabin, or even help carry supplies from the boat
...complains if the meal is not to his liking
...over eats without consideration that others need to eat too

Basically he is a POS.

It feels like I go out to provide mom and dad with respite. I hate it. It’s not my place to say something but I don’t want to go anymore. I offered to buy a cottage or rent one as my wife really enjoys it. But the family cabin is special to her. She didn’t have much in life so this place means a lot, and her brothers behavior is normal.

In addition to doing all the work while “Jeff” sat and drank beer, the tipping point was when we all went into town to restock supplies last year. Of course “Jeff” restocked his beer, and pot with the money he didn’t have, but when I wanted to stop at a store to purchase a cabin maintenance related item, “Jeff” said “I’m on my holidays and we’re not wasting anymore of my time driving around”.

This guy is an arrogant, lazy, freeloading jerk. The parents enable him.

I want to help mom and dad out as I enjoy building and fixing things. But I’m having a real problem with this guy. I was able to ignore him and simply take the high road and be the better person.

I can do lazy but I don’t do disrespectful.

Wifey doesn’t want to buy or rent because she thinks her parents will be insulted.

As of last year I still went out, but I have stopped doing any work on the cabin except for dishes, and meal prep. It’s not my cabin and not my responsibility. I find it difficult to watch dad work.

Any ideas how to tackle this? And yes I’ve thought about using him as a boat anchor, lol. Jk
 

tom3

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I would avoid Jeff at all costs. Make sure your wife knows what the score is and stick to your guns on this. I've found in 48 years of marriage the best way to get along with the in-laws is to keep a good distance, avoid contact as possible. Might suggest your wife go to the cabin with her family and you stay home (and enjoy the peace and quiet.)
 

Bean438

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It’s a shame because I really do enjoy the cabin experience, but this one feels like a daycare for one adult baby.

The wife isn’t open to renting so I may just rent a cabin for myself and visit the daycare during the day. Maybe the parents will get it? Maybe not.

I want to say something but it may start a war. The mom baby’s this guy. It’s actually very disgusting.
 

Bean438

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Yup. Most potheads are the same. Prayer will not work. Ive tried everything. Guilt. Shame. Nothing works
 

EricC

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Take the pot away, he'll still be a ********. It's what some people are. There isn't much you can do, the parents are like the boss. if they allow it, you're not going to change it. Say and do things, you'll likely make it worse for yourself. They'll do something about it when it becomes an issue for them, until then, the only issue you'll raise is one about you, at least that's how they'll see it.

Ignore him, or don't go.
 

Bean438

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So do you think plain avoidance is the best way?

Why not say something? Evil prevails while good men say nothing?

What about renting a cabin on my own? Maybe mom and will get the message?

Do I tell them I’m not doing any more work or just stop working and let them figure it out?
 

EricC

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Pick your battles man. Evil does prevail, that's one way to look at it, but blood is also thicker than water. Raise an issue, just be sure you're ready to deal with the fallout of family. They obviously aren't going to do anything, the kid is 40 already. the time to do something was a long long time ago and they allow it anyway. I wouldn't hold my breath.

how likely are they to see what you're saying if they haven't seen it already? Go ahead and raise the issue, just be prepared for what might follow. Without knowing all the dynamics it's hard to say. I might just swallow my words and help where I can and let it be, or next time we're running into town and he says something I might pull over and tell him to get the **** out. After sitting on his *** all day he should have plenty of energy to hike his *** back to the cabin while I go run my errands. Or something in between.
 

Bean438

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Unfortunately we were in the parents vehicle when he opened his mouth. Had it been my vehicle, he’d be walking back to the cabin, after he picked up all his teeth of the highway.

I’m done buying groceries for a 40 year old man baby. I’d really just like to rent a cabin for ourselves. I don’t think the parents would say anything. If they ask I’d simply say I wanted a place to ourselves, and don’t like burdening other familly members. Leave it at that.

As for work (should I go out there) it’s not happening. If there’s a work project and everyone is chipping in, then I’ll help out. Gone are the days of me working while Jeff does nothing. Even if dad is struggling. I’ve already stopped kicking in financially (other than food ).

It may even come down to me renting my own cabin and wifey can stay with her parents, and man baby. She doesn’t understand it will be harder to explain me renting a cabin by myself as opposed to renting one together.
 
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