Family cabin woes. Just a rant, and need some input.

cpurvis

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EricC has given you GOOD advice. Heed it. You are highly unlikely to overcome the 'blood is thicker than water' element here.
 

kge4166

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Buy the cabin and toss him out. Or buy your own cabin. He’s not changing.
 

Bean438

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They won’t sell the cabin. I’d never buy my own either. I’d just rent.

This week I took tom3’s advice. She took the dogs and went to the cabin for the week to look after man baby. (He’s since quit his job in the city and is “working” in cottage country). His ultimate plan is to work all summer in cottage country and get laid off for the winter and collect govt benefits. So man baby is there full time. Cottage just became a shithole.

Any ways, I actually enjoyed the quiet without the dogs, and wifey.
 

Krupczak1

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Sounds like a family meeting Is in order. You cant have a shared cabin without strict rules and an agreement on how work and expenses are shared. the 70 year old owner needs to step up and set the agenda and demand that everyone pitch in. THIS NEEDS TO BE SETTLED BEFORE HE DIES. Its hard to admit but it is inevitable. There will be a constant battle if you don't get this resolved. NOW
 

Bean438

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I’d love to do this, but it’s not my family, it’s hers. I wanted to buy our own cabin and avoid all the future crap.

For all I know they’re gonna leave the cabin to him, which is fine. Worst case is they leave it to my wife, and her brother which means he will expect to be there 100% of the time, pay 0% of the costs, and 0% of the work.

If left to him only he will burn the cabin down, or destroy it by neglect. Family cabin gone forever.

Plus I’d like to get everything I. Place now while I’m working. I don’t want to deal with this when I’m retired.

We could get our own place and mom and dad can do whatever they want with man baby.

I’m seriously ok with staying home. She can deal with her brother, and the loss of the cabin in the future.
 

iowaztr

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  • / Family cabin woes. Just a rant, and need some input.
Similar situation but slightly different-

Campground I built down in my dad's woods next to the creek.

Firepit, outhouse, picnic tables, mowed with a push mower to keep the grass short and a old camper to store things and to get out of the whether if the sky turned gray.

Because it was "family land" everybody got to use it. Firewood I cut up was gone when I needed it, Rain filled water tank for the outhouse was empty when I needed it. Stuff in the camper was used but not replace like charcoal, lighter fluid, paper plates, etc...

Started to lock things up. Has a discussion with my dad about what happens when he and or my mom passed away. He realized with the investment I put into this piece of land I should get it. They both passed away a few years ago and I inherited this chunk of property with my inheritance.

I would have you (or probably your wife) discuss the plans for the cabin when her parents pass away and mention the investments you have made to the property. If you find out your wife doesn't get it free and clear upon their passing I would find your own cabin (own or rent) and invest your time and money in that.

Due to a "handshake agreement" the family still has access to the site but everything other than the fire pit and picnic tables are locked up tighter than a drum.
 

bertsmobile1

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  • / Family cabin woes. Just a rant, and need some input.
Much like Tom I just absent myself from family situations that caused grief.
I found excuses not to be there, usually by manipulating holidays.

What you have to remember a lot of old time families , particularly those with very strong religious beliefs raise their daughters to be subservient to the males.
Thus these women believe that their proper place in the planet is domestic servitude to men, be it their father, husband or brothers,
Even worse slaving over men makes them feel empowered.
Nothing you can say or do will change that apart from bringing up your daughters up better.
There are a lot of men who see " The Stepford Wives" as being the way the world should be.
I rather feel your brother in law is one of them.

Your wife will probably keep mothering the "man child" till she draws her final breath on her death bed.
The best you can do is try to divert her from the cabin.
Book some European river tours , case she has worked hard & deserves a break then perhaps a cruise , do the trip across Candia by train or even come down here, do The Gahn and the Indian Pacific.
Even The Orient Express.
If man child has to do without his slave far a few seasons he might do something useful
 

bertsmobile1

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  • / Family cabin woes. Just a rant, and need some input.
And if pot is a jailing offence there, send the local sherrif a heads up that there is a dope dealer ( provide his car details ) living in a cabin up there somewhere.

Two things will case the selfish & lazy top man up .
He is too old for the Marines so looks like it will be jail for him.

He will either learn to man up & look after himself or won't walk out of prison.
Naturally you will need to appear devistated that such a thing could have happened to him and be sympathetic & even supportive.

Some one who has no real income, new vehicle & toys will have a hard time proving he is not living off the proceeds of crime and is likely to get a maximum sentence, particularly if his court case is around county election time.
 

Bean438

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  • / Family cabin woes. Just a rant, and need some input.
Unfortunately pot is now legal in Canada. So he,can now smoke all he wants.

To further add to the situation he has now quit his job in The city to work all summer in cottage country. So he’s now there full time, may till November.

Wife,has only been out once for a week. (She used to go pretty much every weekend and 3 weeks in August )

Her brother texted my daughter and mentioned that “you guys don’t come out much anymore”. Ha!

I think I may just make a day trip and pick up my table saw, and mitre saw. No more work from me.

If anyone asks if I’m gonna build anything (outhouse Needs replacing, and an outdoor shower has been mentioned)

Should I just flat out tell them No? Would I be justified in saying I don’t work on my holidays, but I can be hired?

I can maybe mention “Jeff” didn’t want to waste his holiday time driving around so I’m not wasting my time working?

I’m leaning towards picking up my tools and never going back. I’d really like to let the parents know the reason why.
 

SeniorCitizen

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  • / Family cabin woes. Just a rant, and need some input.
QUOTE: Her brother texted my daughter and mentioned that “you guys don’t come out much anymore”. Ha!
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He doesn't have the GUTS to confer with anyone except someone he feels is his subordinate, and in this case a female child or young adult.

Either knock him on his *** and tell him to stay out or move your belongings out and tell , with direct firm eye contact, him, your wife and her parents how the cow ate the cabbage. This may lead to divorce but so be it to be less miserable.
 
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