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My fiancé and I are getting out of a really bad living situation and now his dad wants to live with us and I'm really nervous about it. What if the same thing happens again? I just think my man and I need to live alone. How do we tell him without hurting his feelings?

abeja_reina_1989 said:

My fiancé and I are getting out of a really bad living situation and now his dad wants to live with us and I'm really nervous about it.

...I just think my man and I need to live alone. How do we tell him without hurting his feelings?

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You are right... and YOU need to tell them both that you do not want to share your first home with anyone else...
If his dad is a reasonable person he will understand and remember HIS first home... good or bad, it is going to be your first home... Share it with yourselves ONLY...
... If you can't afford it ... do whatever you need to in able to afford it. :smile:KennyV

KennyV said:

You are right... and YOU need to tell them both that you do not want to share your first home with anyone else...
If his dad is a reasonable person he will understand and remember HIS first home... good or bad, it is going to be your first home... Share it with yourselves ONLY...
... If you can't afford it ... do whatever you need to in able to afford it. :smile:KennyV

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Agree with KennyV 100%...hopefully your fiancee's father will understand your need for privacy. If he is disabled or incapable of living on his own, I can understand his feelings, but it is too much an invasion of your privacy to have him there. I really hope you can work this out, the sooner the better.

I would tend to agree that your first home together should be yours alone.
I would say that you BOTH need to agree on this, it shouldn't be a sore point hanging over the entire relationship.

My better half and I have been married for 26 years without argument - we have agreed to disagree sometimes, but not argued. I'm sure that lack of our own children has made that easier. Talk it out calmly and come to an agreement, then tell his dad together.

Just my humble opinion. :biggrin:

BKBrown said:

I would tend to agree that your first home together should be yours alone.
I would say that you BOTH need to agree on this, it shouldn't be a sore point hanging over the entire relationship.

My better half and I have been married for 26 years without argument - we have agreed to disagree sometimes, but not argued. I'm sure that lack of our own children has made that easier. Talk it out calmly and come to an agreement, then tell his dad together.

Just my humble opinion. :biggrin:

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"Without argument....talk it out calmly, the man advises"....:confused2: I have been married over 20 years, I can't remember many calm arguments between us here....:laughing:

JDgreen said:

"Without argument....talk it out calmly, the man advises"....:confused2: I have been married over 20 years, I can't remember many calm arguments between us here....:laughing:

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That's just it - most of the time we agree - if not, it's not an argument, it's a calm discussion.
If it starts to get heated at all (usually not) we stop and walk away until it can be calm. :thumbsup:

KennyV said:

You are right... and YOU need to tell them both that you do not want to share your first home with anyone else...
If his dad is a reasonable person he will understand and remember HIS first home... good or bad, it is going to be your first home... Share it with yourselves ONLY...
... If you can't afford it ... do whatever you need to in able to afford it. :smile:KennyV

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I agree, yours should mean "YOURS"! ~~ grnspot

my only question is why does his dad want to move in with you?I'd never dream of doing that to my kids. russ

BKBrown said:

That's just it - most of the time we agree - if not, it's not an argument, it's a calm discussion.
If it starts to get heated at all (usually not) we stop and walk away until it can be calm. :thumbsup:

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That's just it--most of the time we DON'T agree.....:laughing:

173abn said:

my only question is why does his dad want to move in with you?I'd never dream of doing that to my kids. russ

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I think it depends on the family relationship and 'understanding' growing up. Some families and parents expect their kids to take care of them when they get older, while some would never dream of putting that burden on their kids. In the same way, some kids expect to take care of their parents, and some don't even want to speak to their parents let alone take care of them.

My wifes grandfather died when he was 40 and her grandmother has now lived with her parents for 25 years or so. She has her own living area in the basement and it has worked for them. It can be burdensome, but it can also be rewarding. That being said, I agree 100% with the other guys here. Talk to your fianc馥, you do not want this pressure going into your first years of marriage. You need that privacy where you can build your relationship together and not put extra and unneeded strain on it. Only way I would allow that to happen is if his dad forked up the money to buy a house big enough to have separate living quarters. Even then, make sure your relationship is rock solid before adding that stress!

I think someone here hit it spot on. Why does he want to move in with you? Why doesn't he stay where he is now? We lived with my parents briefly when we were first married and it was horrible for both sides because you get in each others way. Not to be done except if there is no alternative!

JDgreen said:

That's just it--most of the time we DON'T agree.....:laughing:

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I know - I got lucky to have a partner that agrees with me most of the time ! :biggrin: :thumbsup:

We only have one bank account and it is OUR money - as long as there is enough to pay all the bills FIRST - we can spend what we want (within reason) and discuss BIG expenses first.

BKBrown said:

That's just it - most of the time we agree - if not, it's not an argument, it's a calm discussion.
If it starts to get heated at all (usually not) we stop and walk away until it can be calm. :thumbsup:

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A little argument never hurt anybody :wink:, but I would have to agree with you. My wife and I have never really had a heated argument at all, we definitely do the "stop and walk away until it can be calm" type of thing. Not that it is necessarily better, brooding is never good either, but that is just the way our personalities handle things :biggrin:

BKBrown said:

I know - I got lucky to have a partner that agrees with me most of the time ! :biggrin: :thumbsup:

We only have one bank account and it is OUR money - as long as there is enough to pay all the bills FIRST - we can spend what we want (within reason) and discuss BIG expenses first.

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Her money is HER money, my money is HER money too.....:laughing:

Smartaleck said:

I think someone here hit it spot on. Why does he want to move in with you? Why doesn't he stay where he is now? We lived with my parents briefly when we were first married and it was horrible for both sides because you get in each others way. Not to be done except if there is no alternative!

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Kind of like I posted before. It really depends on the family.
We lived with my Grandma and her sister for our first two years of marriage in college and loved it! We did have our own living area. Lived with my family during the summer and winter breaks, then lived with them for a year out of college. Here we just had our room. (Mom, dad, younger brother and sister) In OUR case it worked great! We saved money while working and were able to find the right house for us rather than rushing out to find something. I love my family, my wife likes our family, we would have been great living with her family as well. Would it have been nice to be on our own at that time? YES, but it was a great experience none the less. We are lucky to have families like that, so I just want to point out not all families are the same. You have to look at your situation and see if it is right for you. :biggrin:

JDgreen said:

Her money is HER money, my money is HER money too.....:laughing:

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Then SHE has got you some nice stuff -- Go thank Her ! :laughing: :biggrin: :thumbsup:

:smile::laughing::smile::laughing::biggrin:

BKBrown said:

Then SHE has got you some nice stuff -- Go thank Her ! :laughing: :biggrin: :thumbsup:

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Slater said:

Kind of like I posted before. It really depends on the family.
We lived with my Grandma and her sister for our first two years of marriage in college and loved it! We did have our own living area. Lived with my family during the summer and winter breaks, then lived with them for a year out of college. Here we just had our room. (Mom, dad, younger brother and sister) In OUR case it worked great! We saved money while working and were able to find the right house for us rather than rushing out to find something. I love my family, my wife likes our family, we would have been great living with her family as well. Would it have been nice to be on our own at that time? YES, but it was a great experience none the less. We are lucky to have families like that, so I just want to point out not all families are the same. You have to look at your situation and see if it is right for you. :biggrin:

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In my experience, as long as you have a large enough home so that everyone can have their own space, you are OK but if you get in each other's way, especially where two women are involved, watch out!

pollyannasmum said:

In my experience, as long as you have a large enough home so that everyone can have their own space, you are OK but if you get in each other's way, especially where two women are involved, watch out!

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I think that is generally correct, although at my parents we shared the bathroom with my brother and sister. Everyone had their own room, but its not like we had our own living space except for our room. Again we probably just get a long better than most families. :smile: