Living with family members

abeja_reina_1989

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My fiancé and I are getting out of a really bad living situation and now his dad wants to live with us and I'm really nervous about it. What if the same thing happens again? I just think my man and I need to live alone. How do we tell him without hurting his feelings?
 

KennyV

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My fiancé and I are getting out of a really bad living situation and now his dad wants to live with us and I'm really nervous about it.

...I just think my man and I need to live alone. How do we tell him without hurting his feelings?

You are right... and YOU need to tell them both that you do not want to share your first home with anyone else...
If his dad is a reasonable person he will understand and remember HIS first home... good or bad, it is going to be your first home... Share it with yourselves ONLY...
... If you can't afford it ... do whatever you need to in able to afford it. :smile:KennyV
 

JDgreen

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You are right... and YOU need to tell them both that you do not want to share your first home with anyone else...
If his dad is a reasonable person he will understand and remember HIS first home... good or bad, it is going to be your first home... Share it with yourselves ONLY...
... If you can't afford it ... do whatever you need to in able to afford it. :smile:KennyV

Agree with KennyV 100%...hopefully your fiancee's father will understand your need for privacy. If he is disabled or incapable of living on his own, I can understand his feelings, but it is too much an invasion of your privacy to have him there. I really hope you can work this out, the sooner the better.
 

BKBrown

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I would tend to agree that your first home together should be yours alone.
I would say that you BOTH need to agree on this, it shouldn't be a sore point hanging over the entire relationship.

My better half and I have been married for 26 years without argument - we have agreed to disagree sometimes, but not argued. I'm sure that lack of our own children has made that easier. Talk it out calmly and come to an agreement, then tell his dad together.

Just my humble opinion. :biggrin:
 

JDgreen

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I would tend to agree that your first home together should be yours alone.
I would say that you BOTH need to agree on this, it shouldn't be a sore point hanging over the entire relationship.

My better half and I have been married for 26 years without argument - we have agreed to disagree sometimes, but not argued. I'm sure that lack of our own children has made that easier. Talk it out calmly and come to an agreement, then tell his dad together.

Just my humble opinion. :biggrin:

"Without argument....talk it out calmly, the man advises"....:confused2: I have been married over 20 years, I can't remember many calm arguments between us here....:laughing:
 

BKBrown

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"Without argument....talk it out calmly, the man advises"....:confused2: I have been married over 20 years, I can't remember many calm arguments between us here....:laughing:

That's just it - most of the time we agree - if not, it's not an argument, it's a calm discussion.
If it starts to get heated at all (usually not) we stop and walk away until it can be calm. :thumbsup:
 

grnspot110

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You are right... and YOU need to tell them both that you do not want to share your first home with anyone else...
If his dad is a reasonable person he will understand and remember HIS first home... good or bad, it is going to be your first home... Share it with yourselves ONLY...
... If you can't afford it ... do whatever you need to in able to afford it. :smile:KennyV

I agree, yours should mean "YOURS"! ~~ grnspot
 

173abn

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my only question is why does his dad want to move in with you?I'd never dream of doing that to my kids. russ
 

JDgreen

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That's just it - most of the time we agree - if not, it's not an argument, it's a calm discussion.
If it starts to get heated at all (usually not) we stop and walk away until it can be calm. :thumbsup:

That's just it--most of the time we DON'T agree.....:laughing:
 

Slater

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my only question is why does his dad want to move in with you?I'd never dream of doing that to my kids. russ

I think it depends on the family relationship and 'understanding' growing up. Some families and parents expect their kids to take care of them when they get older, while some would never dream of putting that burden on their kids. In the same way, some kids expect to take care of their parents, and some don't even want to speak to their parents let alone take care of them.

My wifes grandfather died when he was 40 and her grandmother has now lived with her parents for 25 years or so. She has her own living area in the basement and it has worked for them. It can be burdensome, but it can also be rewarding. That being said, I agree 100% with the other guys here. Talk to your fianc馥, you do not want this pressure going into your first years of marriage. You need that privacy where you can build your relationship together and not put extra and unneeded strain on it. Only way I would allow that to happen is if his dad forked up the money to buy a house big enough to have separate living quarters. Even then, make sure your relationship is rock solid before adding that stress!
 
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